Chris A. Petersen

Strategic Thinker, Professional Speaker, and Workshop Facilitator

Building relationships with female coworkers

You may be familiar with the workplace myth, “We’re not at work to make friends.” In other words, the office is a place for an employee to be an efficient worker, not a place for socializing or forming relationships. It’s the same tired concept, that professional and personal are like oil and vinegar.

In reality, the traditionalists who believe this couldn’t be more wrong. Making friends at work is one of the most important things we’ll ever do. When you work a minimum of eight hours per day, five days a week, it’s safe to say a majority of your waking time is spent at work. As a result, it makes sense to want relationships with your coworkers.

However, a huge number of employees see work as a transactional experience. Although productive conversations take place in the workplace, meaningful bonds are not as plentiful. There are many reasons for this: shortened job tenures, social media (and the ease of messaging friends outside of work), and the blur between work and personal lives.

I have been associated with companies that completely restrict relationships internally and externally with others in the same field of employment. This practice is less prevalent today. When I began my career, a prominent company discouraged any friendships outside of normal work hours. Their practices mandated employees not to participate in sports together outside of work teams, not engage in personal relationships with coworkers, and at times, even recommended not sharing lunch together, especially outside of the office.

Today, work culture is the complete opposite. Companies place a huge priority on team-building activities and exercises in order to create an environment capable of fostering friendships in the workplace. A perfect example of this is e-commerce giant Zappos, whose core values focus on embracing change, creating fun, pursuing growth, and building a positive environment, as well as a family spirit.

Being friends with someone in the workplace is more than having fun with each other. It’s not about having someone to watch YouTube videos, gossip about recent events, or take extended lunches with. It doesn’t even mean you’re required to share your deepest, darkest secrets with your colleague.

Workplace friendships are about establishing a common sense of purpose, and that all-for-one, one-for-all mentality amongst employees. It promotes a group loyalty that can result in a shared commitment towards common work.
I have developed friendships in the workplace that transcended both the job and the company. I have carried great friendships from the first company I worked for to my employment today.

Aside from increased job satisfaction and performance, you might be asking yourself what the benefits of being friends with your coworkers are. Studies have placed more emphasis on the benefits such relationships have for companies, and not enough on the benefits for the employees themselves. Friendship at work can lead to three very important things:

1. Productivity
In the workplace, there is no such thing as independence. Even if you have always considered yourself a strong and independent person, a time will eventually come where you feel the need to ask for a favor or help from a coworker.

This is when the need to be friends with your coworkers is most prominent.

Friends don’t mind lending a hand, even when they have their own hands full. In fact, they are even willing to set their own work aside (on the condition it’s not urgent) to help you make a presentation for your next meeting, or stay after-hours to help you make a report.

Although coworkers will still lend a hand—whether or not you are friends with them—when your boss tells them to, friends actually want to do it without being told, and will put their best foot forward to ensure you don’t lose out. In short, workplace friends will undoubtedly have your back when the going gets tough.

2. Happiness
As mentioned previously, we spend more time at work than we do anywhere else. Having good friends at work can increase happiness, because it instills a sense of belonging or appreciation. Having someone to crack jokes or share light-hearted stories with while working can also have a tremendous impact on reducing stress.

3. Sanity
Work can be a little (or a lot) crazy, either because of the work itself or the people around you. When craziness happens, the only thing that will keep you from tearing your hair out from the roots is having someone to run to, who can empathize and understand.

When you make friends at work, you create a vital support network. Rooting for each other on promotions, consoling each other during rough circumstances, giving advice, or simply providing empathy and support for personal situations—these do wonders for individuals in the workplace.

5 Things You Need to be a Good Communicator

communication

Good communication allows one to forge a real and personal connection with other people.

We all think that communication is easy and that we’re rather good at it. The truth is, speaking well does not automatically make a person a good communicator. It’s the same way simply hearing does not make someone a good listener. Communication is more than the simple act of exchanging information. It is creating an understanding between you and the other person about the emotions and intentions that lie behind the message.

Being able to communicate effectively is one of the most important life skills. Communication is an integral part of every interaction we have, and can shape both our personal and professional lives. This is especially true for the latter, as strong communication skills are a tell-tale sign of great leadership skills and are often equated with efficacy in the workplace, opening up more opportunities. Most importantly, good communication allows one to forge a real and personal connection with other people.

Fortunately, good communication is a valuable skill that can be learned. If you are looking to become a better communicator, here are five things to keep in mind:

Be a good listener. When it comes to communicating well, it is important that you truly understand what the other person is trying to say in order to respond appropriately.

Be aware of who your audience is. A good part of communication is knowing who you’re talking to in order to deliver the message and tailor it in a way that your audience can relate to it and easily understand.

Be positive. When it comes to giving comments or feedback, it is important to be constructive and to use words that have a positive connotation to them to prevent the listener from either going defensive or zoning out. You have to be careful not to be seen as aggressive to ensure that no misunderstandings will take place.

Don’t hesitate to ask questions. People don’t often say what they mean immediately and it often takes asking questions to get to the heart of the matter. It also serves as a way to confirm whether your message was received the way you intended it to be.

Be succinct. The problem with beating around the bush is that your message may be clouded or overshadowed by irrelevant information. Get to the point as quickly as possible in order to help the listener/audience understand the message properly.

Changes don’t come overnight and there may be times that you will find yourself slipping or committing a mistake. All it takes is constant practice to make a difference. That, and remaining conscious and aware during every interaction that you have can pave the path to being a good communicator.

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Chris Petersen has more than 30 years of experience in the technology and the financial services industry. She is an author, Fintech strategist, speaker and an advocate for women’s leadership. For a dose of inspiration, you can follow her on Twitter, Facebook or connect with her on LinkedIn.