Chris A. Petersen

Strategic Thinker, Professional Speaker, and Workshop Facilitator

A Good Work Ethic Means A Good Work-Life Balance

When most people hear the phrase, “good work ethic,” they think of someone who works with extreme focus and diligence. This person often puts their job above everything else in their life, and they end up running themselves ragged.

But the truth is this: an ethic is a philosophy, and having a good work ethic means having a healthy understanding of what work is, why we do it, and how it plays into the rest of our lives.

Learning the Lesson

At one of my previous jobs, I was the go-to person. If anyone had a question, I would get a call at three in the morning. I never said no. I was the person who would run to the fire.

Eventually, I realized I needed a change. I was so off balance, my personal life was hurting. While I was deciding what to do, I realized I wouldn’t be able to transition down the ladder in my company after having been their go-to person for so long. I even had a conversation with the CEO, and I explained my situation. He told me I didn’t have to be that person. I could be anyone, but when I was truly honest with myself, I knew that couldn’t happen. Not at that company.

So I made a difficult choice—I did what was best for me, my personal life and my family, and I resigned. I took some time off and started looking for another job with a better—and healthier—idea of what I needed in a balanced work situation.

Since then, I have found better opportunities for me. I now set my own expectations and my own boundaries.

Balance Starts at the Top

If your boss has balance, it’ll be a lot easier for you to have it, as well. In my career today, I’ve found balance. In the companies I work with, it’s practiced by the CEO on down.

Now I look for companies that are more balanced. I find myself thinking it’s okay if the doctor runs late, or if I need to go get a haircut, or go to my daughter’s school to help out. I can’t blow off work or be late consistently, but I’ve learned that sometimes you can reschedule your day to find some balance. Make time for real life.

Previously, I never would have postponed a call, or rescheduled, or let someone else take the call. Now, I can do those things. In my life today, that balance is non-negotiable.

It’s Just Business

Identify what balance means to you at the start of your career and as your career progresses. Some companies may not allow for the right balance you need, and you’ll have to make a decision about whether or not that’s the right company for you. Don’t get me wrong; it’s not just about the company you work for. You have to enforce your own balance, even though it will be difficult.

No matter how much you give up for your work, or how good you are at it, remember, it’s just business. It’s not the only piece of who you are. It’s part of who you are, but it’s just business. Don’t be afraid, even in a new job, to say you aren’t available sometimes.

And remember this: you have the right to make real choices about your work-life balance!

How to Find A Mentor

Regardless of where or how long you have been employed, having a mentor is one of the more important resources you can have for your career. The sooner you seek a mentor, the better off you will be. Finding the right person may take time, but it’s important to find someone you respect and like to spend time with. I had the great fortune of having two extremely successful, professional women mentor me at the start of my career, and continued to have excellent mentors throughout my journey. It has made all the difference.

In an interview with my friend Patricia Valentino, she said, “When I define mentor, it’s somebody who has my best interest at heart, takes me under their wing, and helps propel me into the world for success.”

Not all of my mentors were women, but having females as my first mentors in the business world helped me a great deal. It’s not that men can’t mentor women—but it helps to have a woman’s point of view, especially in a male-dominated environment. They can be your guide and ally in many situations.

Here is one of my best pieces of advice: Find a female mentor who understands. Some time ago, I had recently changed my hairstyle—and was not happy with how it had turned out. (Just to be clear, I change my hair color and style quite often.) On this particular occasion, I wasn’t happy thanks to a bad hair day. I was set to give an important presentation, and I was concerned I would not do well. I’m not sure if it was the hair or the presentation, but either way, it was a really bad hair day.

Working with a female mentor who understood why I was upset comforted me, and she calmed me down before the presentation. In the end, I did well. Not having to explain to a man that my hair was the wrong color took away so much of my stress; her experience and empathy as a woman helped me let go of my worry. She didn’t dismiss my situation as unimportant.

Successful people learn quickly from others, and don’t do everything solo. By emulating successful people, you’ll be on your own pathway to success far more quickly. Some people insist on doing everything themselves, and while this isn’t necessarily bad, it can waste a lot of time. It’s okay to accept help, and it doesn’t mean you can’t be creative or add your own personality to a job.

Spend time with people who are enthusiastic and passionate about their success. Mentors should help guide you on a positive path and motivate you in your success. To have a great mentor-mentee relationship, you should also be someone who is enjoyable to mentor.

Here are tips I’ve learned from experience:

Be great at what you do – while this sounds obvious, it’s the most important thing you can do to get noticed.

Ask for more responsibility – have specific ideas for how you can contribute in deeper, more expansive ways. Be creative, and think outside the box.

Don’t be a wallflower – participate in all meetings, even “optional” ones. Volunteer to represent your team on important department or enterprise-level initiatives. Prepare ahead of time so you can meaningfully advance the discussion.

Promote the success of others – your generosity and openness are critical to your success and will be remembered.

Build your support network – reach out to groups within your company and outside your line of business. Learn what they do, and how you can help them succeed.

Mentors can come alongside you and help give advice in tricky situations, steer you clear of mistakes they have made, and offer support and wisdom in new experiences.

Alcohol At Work Events: 10 Things to Consider

You probably haven’t had anyone talk to you about your “behavior” since you were in elementary school—classroom expectations on colorful poster paper taped to the walls, teachers constantly reminding you to sit still, raise your hand, use your inside voice, and keep your hands to yourself.

I’m not saying you need to raise your hand before you ask a question. I do think, though, that too often we assume because we’re “adults” and have a “grown-up job,” we don’t have to think about the way we’re behaving or how it affects other people and our careers.

Behavior is more important than almost anything else I will talk about. It will change your career and it will impact your relationships. When was the last time you evaluated your behavior?

In my post from September, What is Good Behavior vs Bad Behavior in the Work Environment, I discussed good and bad practices in the context of several common workplace situations. Some  settings can compromise our behavior more than others, which include: the infamous office party, sales kickoffs, work celebrations, and client dinners. The main reason? Alcohol—whether we like it or not, it can have a huge impact on the way we behave. In and of itself, alcohol isn’t bad; it’s only when we don’t establish and maintain boundaries that we risk losing control and engaging in inappropriate behavior, which can damage our reputation, relationships, and career.

Alcoholic beverages will be present at some events. That is a given. You should still be able to enjoy yourself, as well as engage with clients or executives. So how do you stay in control? Here are the boundaries I’ve implemented:

1. Never Get Drunk

 

 

It is never a good idea to get drunk. I have watched coworkers and clients intoxicate themselves and act in ways that were not only unsafe and shameful, but also could have ended in disaster for themselves or others.

I have seen people too intoxicated to find their hotel rooms, falling down in the middle of large ceremonies, and hooking up with married coworkers. Employees have completely missed meetings and presentations because they stayed out too late, or never actually made it to bed the night before. People have indirectly and directly lost their jobs because of out-of-control behavior.

2. Follow Company Policy

 

 

When in a work situation involving alcohol, stop and think before you order any drink, and take your first cue from your company culture and the behavior of your coworkers. Ask yourself the following sobering question:

Do successful employees, managers, and executives drink alcohol at company events?

If you want to be successful in your company and position, follow the lead of your successful peers and superiors.

3. Know Your Limits

 

 

Take your second cue from your own boundaries and background.

How does alcohol affect you? Does one drink make you giggly? Do two drinks result in slurred words, lowered guard, and excessive chatter? Does alcohol make you sick or give you an upset stomach?

Know your personal limits and decide how much you’ll drink over a specific time frame, and stick to it. Remember, this is not the same limit you’d set for girls’ night out.

4. Pace Yourself

 

 

If you decide to drink, sip—don’t guzzle. Pace yourself, it’s not a race.

Eat before the event and again during happy hour (peanuts and tapas can be your best friend). Nothing is worse than alcohol splashing around in an empty stomach. Also remember to drink water and stay hydrated.

5. Never Pressure Others

 

 

Don’t ever push alcohol on others. Believe your client or colleague when they say they’ve had enough, and don’t order another round without asking them first.  

6. Engage—Even if You Don’t Drink

 

 

Even if you choose not to drink, still participate in the event. You can opt out of drinking for personal, religious, or health reasons, but help others around you feel comfortable having a drink themselves by saying, “No thanks, I’m not a big wine/beer/liquor drinker, but please, go right ahead,” and continue to engage in the conversation.

7. Remember Your Goals

 

 

Remember, fun is not your primary objective. Never make the mistake of thinking a work-sponsored happy hour is a chance to “let loose” and “blow off some steam.” Enjoy yourself, but don’t treat it like a get-together with your buddies. Remember: supervisors, bosses, and clients will be there observing your behavior.

8. Focus on the Client

 

 

Client dinners are great opportunities to build relationships with clients. In a relaxed dinner environment, you can learn information that may help you become more aware of the client’s expectations and goals. Focusing on the client and engaging in conversation can make the client more comfortable and help strengthen the relationship. Alcohol can inhibit your ability to concentrate and connect, and if you lose control, even damage your relationship with the client.

9. Leave Inappropriate Situations

 

 

There is always the potential to find yourself in an uncomfortable position, whether it is with your peers, clients, or executives in the company. If the person you are with consumes alcohol, their behavior may become discomforting. If you don’t know what to do and you’re uncomfortable, make an excuse to leave, or have a friend call you to give you an opportunity to exit.

The important thing about these situations is that you are comfortable in your decision to stay or leave—making this decision can sometimes be harder than you think. In a client situation, you don’t want to offend them, but you should never continue in a position that makes you uncomfortable.

10. Don’t Drink

 

 

Finally, remember that you never have to drink—“no” is always an option. Respect your own boundaries and limitations, and if you know you have the tendency to lose control or engage in inappropriate office behavior when you drink, then politely abstain. Even if you’re only uncertain of what you’re comfortable with, don’t use this as an opportunity to experiment and discover your limits. Behavior has a direct impact on your career and relationships, so don’t ever put yourself in a situation that could compromise either.

 

I’m not saying you shouldn’t enjoy a drink during work events when alcohol is provided. However, knowing your limits and how you behave during these events is important and can make or break your career. Be smart and keep your career in mind.

5 Things You Need to be a Good Communicator

communication

Good communication allows one to forge a real and personal connection with other people.

We all think that communication is easy and that we’re rather good at it. The truth is, speaking well does not automatically make a person a good communicator. It’s the same way simply hearing does not make someone a good listener. Communication is more than the simple act of exchanging information. It is creating an understanding between you and the other person about the emotions and intentions that lie behind the message.

Being able to communicate effectively is one of the most important life skills. Communication is an integral part of every interaction we have, and can shape both our personal and professional lives. This is especially true for the latter, as strong communication skills are a tell-tale sign of great leadership skills and are often equated with efficacy in the workplace, opening up more opportunities. Most importantly, good communication allows one to forge a real and personal connection with other people.

Fortunately, good communication is a valuable skill that can be learned. If you are looking to become a better communicator, here are five things to keep in mind:

Be a good listener. When it comes to communicating well, it is important that you truly understand what the other person is trying to say in order to respond appropriately.

Be aware of who your audience is. A good part of communication is knowing who you’re talking to in order to deliver the message and tailor it in a way that your audience can relate to it and easily understand.

Be positive. When it comes to giving comments or feedback, it is important to be constructive and to use words that have a positive connotation to them to prevent the listener from either going defensive or zoning out. You have to be careful not to be seen as aggressive to ensure that no misunderstandings will take place.

Don’t hesitate to ask questions. People don’t often say what they mean immediately and it often takes asking questions to get to the heart of the matter. It also serves as a way to confirm whether your message was received the way you intended it to be.

Be succinct. The problem with beating around the bush is that your message may be clouded or overshadowed by irrelevant information. Get to the point as quickly as possible in order to help the listener/audience understand the message properly.

Changes don’t come overnight and there may be times that you will find yourself slipping or committing a mistake. All it takes is constant practice to make a difference. That, and remaining conscious and aware during every interaction that you have can pave the path to being a good communicator.

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Chris Petersen has more than 30 years of experience in the technology and the financial services industry. She is an author, Fintech strategist, speaker and an advocate for women’s leadership. For a dose of inspiration, you can follow her on Twitter, Facebook or connect with her on LinkedIn.