Chris A. Petersen

Strategic Thinker, Professional Speaker, and Workshop Facilitator

A Good Work Ethic Means A Good Work-Life Balance

When most people hear the phrase, “good work ethic,” they think of someone who works with extreme focus and diligence. This person often puts their job above everything else in their life, and they end up running themselves ragged.

But the truth is this: an ethic is a philosophy, and having a good work ethic means having a healthy understanding of what work is, why we do it, and how it plays into the rest of our lives.

Learning the Lesson

At one of my previous jobs, I was the go-to person. If anyone had a question, I would get a call at three in the morning. I never said no. I was the person who would run to the fire.

Eventually, I realized I needed a change. I was so off balance, my personal life was hurting. While I was deciding what to do, I realized I wouldn’t be able to transition down the ladder in my company after having been their go-to person for so long. I even had a conversation with the CEO, and I explained my situation. He told me I didn’t have to be that person. I could be anyone, but when I was truly honest with myself, I knew that couldn’t happen. Not at that company.

So I made a difficult choice—I did what was best for me, my personal life and my family, and I resigned. I took some time off and started looking for another job with a better—and healthier—idea of what I needed in a balanced work situation.

Since then, I have found better opportunities for me. I now set my own expectations and my own boundaries.

Balance Starts at the Top

If your boss has balance, it’ll be a lot easier for you to have it, as well. In my career today, I’ve found balance. In the companies I work with, it’s practiced by the CEO on down.

Now I look for companies that are more balanced. I find myself thinking it’s okay if the doctor runs late, or if I need to go get a haircut, or go to my daughter’s school to help out. I can’t blow off work or be late consistently, but I’ve learned that sometimes you can reschedule your day to find some balance. Make time for real life.

Previously, I never would have postponed a call, or rescheduled, or let someone else take the call. Now, I can do those things. In my life today, that balance is non-negotiable.

It’s Just Business

Identify what balance means to you at the start of your career and as your career progresses. Some companies may not allow for the right balance you need, and you’ll have to make a decision about whether or not that’s the right company for you. Don’t get me wrong; it’s not just about the company you work for. You have to enforce your own balance, even though it will be difficult.

No matter how much you give up for your work, or how good you are at it, remember, it’s just business. It’s not the only piece of who you are. It’s part of who you are, but it’s just business. Don’t be afraid, even in a new job, to say you aren’t available sometimes.

And remember this: you have the right to make real choices about your work-life balance!

Alcohol At Work Events: 10 Things to Consider

You probably haven’t had anyone talk to you about your “behavior” since you were in elementary school—classroom expectations on colorful poster paper taped to the walls, teachers constantly reminding you to sit still, raise your hand, use your inside voice, and keep your hands to yourself.

I’m not saying you need to raise your hand before you ask a question. I do think, though, that too often we assume because we’re “adults” and have a “grown-up job,” we don’t have to think about the way we’re behaving or how it affects other people and our careers.

Behavior is more important than almost anything else I will talk about. It will change your career and it will impact your relationships. When was the last time you evaluated your behavior?

In my post from September, What is Good Behavior vs Bad Behavior in the Work Environment, I discussed good and bad practices in the context of several common workplace situations. Some  settings can compromise our behavior more than others, which include: the infamous office party, sales kickoffs, work celebrations, and client dinners. The main reason? Alcohol—whether we like it or not, it can have a huge impact on the way we behave. In and of itself, alcohol isn’t bad; it’s only when we don’t establish and maintain boundaries that we risk losing control and engaging in inappropriate behavior, which can damage our reputation, relationships, and career.

Alcoholic beverages will be present at some events. That is a given. You should still be able to enjoy yourself, as well as engage with clients or executives. So how do you stay in control? Here are the boundaries I’ve implemented:

1. Never Get Drunk

 

 

It is never a good idea to get drunk. I have watched coworkers and clients intoxicate themselves and act in ways that were not only unsafe and shameful, but also could have ended in disaster for themselves or others.

I have seen people too intoxicated to find their hotel rooms, falling down in the middle of large ceremonies, and hooking up with married coworkers. Employees have completely missed meetings and presentations because they stayed out too late, or never actually made it to bed the night before. People have indirectly and directly lost their jobs because of out-of-control behavior.

2. Follow Company Policy

 

 

When in a work situation involving alcohol, stop and think before you order any drink, and take your first cue from your company culture and the behavior of your coworkers. Ask yourself the following sobering question:

Do successful employees, managers, and executives drink alcohol at company events?

If you want to be successful in your company and position, follow the lead of your successful peers and superiors.

3. Know Your Limits

 

 

Take your second cue from your own boundaries and background.

How does alcohol affect you? Does one drink make you giggly? Do two drinks result in slurred words, lowered guard, and excessive chatter? Does alcohol make you sick or give you an upset stomach?

Know your personal limits and decide how much you’ll drink over a specific time frame, and stick to it. Remember, this is not the same limit you’d set for girls’ night out.

4. Pace Yourself

 

 

If you decide to drink, sip—don’t guzzle. Pace yourself, it’s not a race.

Eat before the event and again during happy hour (peanuts and tapas can be your best friend). Nothing is worse than alcohol splashing around in an empty stomach. Also remember to drink water and stay hydrated.

5. Never Pressure Others

 

 

Don’t ever push alcohol on others. Believe your client or colleague when they say they’ve had enough, and don’t order another round without asking them first.  

6. Engage—Even if You Don’t Drink

 

 

Even if you choose not to drink, still participate in the event. You can opt out of drinking for personal, religious, or health reasons, but help others around you feel comfortable having a drink themselves by saying, “No thanks, I’m not a big wine/beer/liquor drinker, but please, go right ahead,” and continue to engage in the conversation.

7. Remember Your Goals

 

 

Remember, fun is not your primary objective. Never make the mistake of thinking a work-sponsored happy hour is a chance to “let loose” and “blow off some steam.” Enjoy yourself, but don’t treat it like a get-together with your buddies. Remember: supervisors, bosses, and clients will be there observing your behavior.

8. Focus on the Client

 

 

Client dinners are great opportunities to build relationships with clients. In a relaxed dinner environment, you can learn information that may help you become more aware of the client’s expectations and goals. Focusing on the client and engaging in conversation can make the client more comfortable and help strengthen the relationship. Alcohol can inhibit your ability to concentrate and connect, and if you lose control, even damage your relationship with the client.

9. Leave Inappropriate Situations

 

 

There is always the potential to find yourself in an uncomfortable position, whether it is with your peers, clients, or executives in the company. If the person you are with consumes alcohol, their behavior may become discomforting. If you don’t know what to do and you’re uncomfortable, make an excuse to leave, or have a friend call you to give you an opportunity to exit.

The important thing about these situations is that you are comfortable in your decision to stay or leave—making this decision can sometimes be harder than you think. In a client situation, you don’t want to offend them, but you should never continue in a position that makes you uncomfortable.

10. Don’t Drink

 

 

Finally, remember that you never have to drink—“no” is always an option. Respect your own boundaries and limitations, and if you know you have the tendency to lose control or engage in inappropriate office behavior when you drink, then politely abstain. Even if you’re only uncertain of what you’re comfortable with, don’t use this as an opportunity to experiment and discover your limits. Behavior has a direct impact on your career and relationships, so don’t ever put yourself in a situation that could compromise either.

 

I’m not saying you shouldn’t enjoy a drink during work events when alcohol is provided. However, knowing your limits and how you behave during these events is important and can make or break your career. Be smart and keep your career in mind.

Find Your Balance

Some of the best advice I can give you, and something I wish I had known sooner, is how important it is to find a good work-life balance. I spent much of my early career hyper-focused on work, so much so I missed out on a lot of other important memories and milestones. I was not always present for the events in my daughter’s life when she was younger, and even when I was physically there, oftentimes my mind was still at work. I wish I had paid more attention and given myself that family time.

Throughout my career, I’ve learned your balance can change and shift depending on your current needs. When I first started working, I was young and single, and focusing on my career was the right move; I was able to make a good income and climb the corporate ladder. I spent time with my friends and parents, but my focus was work, and that was right for me. It may be right for you as well, so listen to yourself and what you personally need. Our goals and circumstances are often good indicators of where we need to place our focus, and what balance should look like in our lives.

For example, do you feel like you’re missing out on your children’s lives because of work? Maybe you need a change of pace. Are you single and in a new city? Maybe focusing on your career now will pay off later. Are you feeling burnt out at work? Take some time to explore something else you enjoy, whether that be hiking more often, signing up for an art class, traveling, or building more time into your daily routine for reading.

As I said, when I was young, it was good for me to focus on work. However, a few years later I met my husband, got married, and we had our daughter—I needed to change gears a bit. Work was and still is very important to me, but I had to make room for my family. Depending on your own personal goals and family life, you might also need to make room for your personal time.

If you spend every second focused on your job—for months, years, decades—you will burn out. No matter how much you love what you do, you can only do the same thing for so long—make sure always give yourself some freedom to pursue outside interests and do what brings you joy. As I got older, I noticed as my friends were getting married and having babies, and I was still in a relationship with my career, I no longer fit in with those friends. I would want to meet for drinks after work, and they all suddenly had curfews to get home to tuck their kids in or have dinner with their family. It was me, myself, and I.

Don’t let yourself get to that point. I’m not saying you have to have a family, but find something that fulfills you, like a book club, a fitness routine, or some sort of hobby where you can make friends and spend some time out of the office. Your mental health will thank you in the long run.

Finding a balance in your life is so important for maintaining relationships with not only partners, but also friends and family. It keeps you sane, happy, and healthy, and will make you a better employee. If you let yourself burn out, you won’t be putting forth your best effort, so create for yourself a happy medium.

What is Good Behavior vs Bad Behavior in the Work Environment


It seems like this should be a fairly simple concept: you need to have good behavior at work. Everyone understands that. After all, in order to maintain a professional persona, move forward in your career, make valuable connections, and keep your job, you need to behave in a certain manner in the workplace.

While simple, some people still may not understand what is good behavior and what is bad behavior for work. You might see the guy in the cubicle across from you get drunk at the office holiday party, or hear your boss is having an affair with another coworker. This is clearly not good behavior, and it won’t bode well for them in the future. But how do we keep from engaging in such behaviors? How do we set boundaries in our own behavior to set ourselves up for success?

In the following situations let’s define it: What is good behavior? How do we maintain this behavior? And what behaviors should we avoid at all costs?

 

OFFICE RELATIONSHIPS

Many of us might cringe when we hear the term “office relationship,” but, in reality, not all relationships in the office are bad. It is ok, great even, to make friends at work. Life would be pretty boring if every day you went to the office and you had no camaraderie, no friendships, no one to grab lunch with, or no one to chat with over the water jug.

In regards to work-appropriate behavior, it’s even ok if those friendships extend outside the office. Maybe you get drinks once a week with some coworkers, or take a Saturday yoga class with another. Friends at work are good, as long as you establish boundaries.

A romantic relationship at work, however, may not be the best idea if you want to avoid a path that could lead to inappropriate behavior. Many workplaces have rules against romantic partnerships in the office, but there are many other potential factors that could negatively affect you or your work environment, including favoritism, awkwardness, gossip, and misuse of authority. Beginning a relationship with either your superior or subordinate can also complicate power dynamics, make work uncomfortable or unfair for others, make it tricky to navigate each other’s intentions, and potentially bring your integrity into question.  

Even if you and your partner are on the same playing field when it comes to your career, what if the relationship goes sour? Your workplace could become a minefield if both parties are not able to move on in a mature way.

I recommend staying away from romantic behavior at work. Making friends is fine; dating is best avoided.

 

WORK TIME

The reality is, when you’re at work, you need to be working. Short breaks, bathroom runs, and lunch are your free time at work. But whenever you are on the clock, you should not be scrolling through social media, mindlessly surfing the web, online shopping, sending  personal emails, calls and texts, or engaging in any behavior that is a waste to your employer’s time. If you are being paid to do a certain task, you should be doing it.

Walk through any given office and you will probably find workers browsing Facebook and Amazon, texting their spouse, or engaging in any other non-work activity. However, all such behavior should be reserved for your breaks.

You may be able to get away with a few minutes of goofing off, but that doesn’t mean you should. Always strive to be as professional as possible; that’s what will make employers notice your worth, and could ultimately make all the difference in moving up in your career.

 

DRINKING

You need to drink responsibly when you are at work functions. If you are at a picnic or a holiday party and they are serving alcohol, it’s fine to participate and have a drink. However, I urge you to know your limits and act accordingly.

Do you get tipsy after three drinks? Then you should probably only have one or two. Does hard liquor hit you hard? Stick to wine. Don’t push it. No one wants to be that person at the party everyone talks about for months. Make good choices about what you consume when your employer and colleagues are around.

A good rule of thumb is to watch what your boss or supervisor does. Do they avoid the alcohol altogether? Maybe you should consider staying sober for work functions, too. Do they stick to two drinks? Mimic what they do. However, if your boss can put away several drinks and still appear sober, but you are walking sideways after four, tone it down. You don’t have to match your employer exactly, but you can use their behavior as a guide.

Practice safe drinking techniques you can also use outside of work functions. For example, don’t drink on an empty stomach, alternate alcoholic drinks with a glass of water, and always arrange for a sober ride home.

Drinking a glass of wine at a work dinner and maintaining a professional conversation is good behavior. Getting drunk at the holiday party and trying to climb the Christmas tree is not.

 

GOSSIP

If you’re wondering if gossiping is ever appropriate behavior for work–it isn’t. It is never professional. To do so will only result in hurt feelings, animosity, and division in your team and office. This isn’t the hallway of your high school. This is your workplace. You don’t have to like everyone, but you do have to work with them. The least you can do is maintain a certain level of mutual respect and be courteous of people’s personal lives.

If you want to practice the best behavior in regards to your team and coworkers, choose to speak positive words rather than destructive ones. Be thankful, encouraging, patient, and empathetic. Otherwise, don’t say anything at all.

 

FUN

Behaving well doesn’t mean you can’t have fun at work. As I already mentioned, make some friends–that will make each day more interesting. Participate in work events and social gatherings with your coworkers. Go to the picnics and the after-work drinks. Dance at the party. You can do all of these things while remaining professional. Just be sure to set boundaries for yourself, and then stick to them.

Being on your best behavior at work will not only help you to be you a more professional employee, but it will also prove you to be more more trustworthy in the eyes of employers and coworkers, keep you focused on your career, and ultimately, help you more quickly and successfully move forward on your career path.

How Much Should I Drink at a Work Event?

Drinking at a Work Event

As professionals, there are a variety of work events and functions we often attend throughout our careers. These events are great opportunities to network and build relationships both with clients and senior level managers and executives–but only if you make a good impression.

Because alcohol is often served at such work events, I’m often asked by people starting their careers how much is appropriate to drink. Knowing how much to drink, when you are trying to both fit in with the company culture, and enjoy yourself, can be a tricky tightrope to walk.

Know Your Limits

My advice is always, first and foremost, know your limits. The work event might be during happy hour, but that doesn’t mean it’s time to let loose with friends and get drunk. Remember, clients, bosses, and coworkers will be there, and they will be watching your behavior.

Think about the effect alcohol has on you. What types of behaviors have you had in the past after consuming it? I have seen people get so drunk at work events they lost their jobs. How you behave in any type of work setting, whether it is during business hours or not, will affect your career. I have watched coworkers stumble during ceremonies, incapable of making it to their hotel rooms at conferences, and coworkers hook up even though they were married to other people.

Behavior like this will only put you and other coworkers in awkward and damaging situations. After I witnessed the two married coworkers hook up, they both approached me the next morning and asked me to keep quiet. Not only had they behaved inappropriately and put themselves in a bad situation, they had dragged me, a coworker, into their very uncomfortable personal matter. Talk about unprofessional!

Set Boundaries

Again, be aware of your own limits, and determine before the event how much you can and will drink. Know what you are like after one drink, two, three, and so on, and decide a safe number to draw the line for a professional event. Remember the purpose of the event: to network and build relationships. Your goal should be to remain in control of your behavior so you can effectively communicate and interact with clients and coworkers, and ultimately leave a good impression and perhaps make connections that will advance your career.

Think about it: do you often see CEOs and other supervisors drinking at work events? Probably not, or at least not much. They recognize any work event is an opportunity to network and get ahead in their career, neither of which can be done if you can’t even stand up straight.

If you are unsure of how alcohol may affect you, you have any other health or religious concerns, or you are not yet sure what is acceptable at your particular company, it is ok for you to forgo drinking altogether. Don’t ever feel you have to drink at a work event, and don’t push alcohol on others either. Ask before ordering another round, and if someone declines an offer for a drink, respect their answer.

Follow Company Policy

That being said, don’t feel like you can’t drink at all. If your company allows it, a drink or two is acceptable. Once you know your own limitations, keep an eye on your supervisors and coworkers and follow their lead for how much to drink. Do they have a drink or two and then stop completely? Do they nurse one drink all night? Pay attention; this will tell you how much is permissible for your company.

If you do decide to have a few drinks,  keep these tips in mind:

  • Set a limit and stick to it
  • Follow the lead of your supervisors and coworkers
  • Eat before and while you drink
  • Alternate between your drink and water
  • Do not use alcohol as a way to decrease your anxiety

Whether you decide to drink one glass, two, or none at all, the focus of the event should be your clients, career, and building relationships–not alcohol. If you know you can stay in control after one or two drinks, go for it. If you know your boss is ok with you having a drink, go for it. Enter the event with the intention of growing your network, yourself, and your career. Keep it in moderation, keep it professional, and leave the event knowing you gave everyone in attendance the very best impression of yourself possible.